Archive for February, 2008

Big mad

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Zag’s having a new kind of tantrum. Well, not right at the moment – I’d be able to tell, even at the other end of the house. But he’s had three in the last two days. (more…)

Accountability

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

OK, I’m using this little quasi-public forum to try to set a couple of goals I’ve been wanting to set. If I tell you all I’m going to do these things, I have to do them, right? (more…)

Phases

Monday, February 25th, 2008

Zag has crossed some kind of new cognitive threshold. We’ve been noticing him saying things that startle us with their complexity or thoughtfulness… I think I’ve already forgotten about half a dozen that I meant to remember. But for example, this morning, after stating that he wanted his lunch quesadilla to be plain,  he observed without prompting, “Plain and airplane are both same word!” (more…)

It’s getting better all the time….

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

We have a new CPE supervisor. The one we’ve been working with for the past five months, finally decided her health was too poor to continue. So for the last seven weeks, we have a new supervisor in from the head office. I don’t know yet if the other students are as relieved as I am, but I think the new supervisor is wonderful. She’s giving us structure! order! direction! encouragement to think theologically! discretion to balance our own needs with the demands of the program! She ordered me to take off my Sunday shift at the hospital this week and do something that would help me be wholer and happier, instead!

Every so often I have an experience that reminds me what it’s like to be saved…

So I’m trying to convince myself that things are looking up a little. This was easier before Zag spent yesterday evening throwing up, but he seems to feel pretty good this morning and neither Tilt nor I seems obviously sick yet. Poor Tilt – it was a rough night, and the kid woke up at 5:30am thirsty and ravenous, and I guess I acted pathetic enough that Tilt got up with him. Have I mentioned that today is Tilt’s birthday? My poor sweetie.

I taught Zag the classic 2nd grade version of the birthday song some time ago – you know, “Happy birthday to you, you belong in a zoo…” He latched right onto it but also adapted it slightly – I don’t think that second line made sense to him, so he rewrote it. Today he sang to Tilt, “Happy birthday to you, lonely in a zoo, you look like a monkey and you act like one too!”

St. James’s, Porter Square; &c.

Monday, February 18th, 2008

This morning I belatedly remembered, around 10am, that I’m trying to do my own version of Morning Prayer every day that it’s humanly possible. Zag was working on a clay bead project, so I got my BCP and Bible and sat beside him at the table. I started to say my opening prayer out loud – a prayer of praise lifted from the Jewish tradition, blessing God for returning our souls to our bodies and other morning blessings. Zag listened for a minute and then said, “Get off the phone, please!” Surprised, I said, “What?” He asked, “Are you on the phone?” I said, “No, I’m talking to God!” Zag said, “Can you get off God, please?”

Poor kid. Mama does not seem likely to get off her God kick anytime soon.

He tolerated having me preach yesterday morning, without hollering at me. (Last time he was in church while I preached, at the EDS chapel, he kept shouting, “I want my mama!” When I came over to greet him at the Peace, he told me sternly, “You are my mama. You take off that robe.”) I preached at Tilt and Zag’s church, St. James’s, Porter Square, which I also attend whenever I’m free of other obligations. (more…)

Just shoot me now

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

What the hell am I going to do if he stops napping?

Just two more months of naps, God, just two more months…

Later: OK, I’ve talked myself off the ledge a little. He clearly still needs a nap. Not sure why we couldn’t get there today, but tomorrow is another day. I can’t wait till we start to have nice weather sometimes so I can haul him outdoors to burn off some energy in the mornings…

I had this lovely blog post all planned out, recapping my sermon from last Sunday and talking about my thoughts on Lent and the wonderful language for sin in the Rite I liturgy and the Great Litany (which I love love love – is that somehow wrong?). But there has been neither time nor mental space for substantive blogging lately. We are at a bit of a low point here in the Tilt/Weirdbird/Zagazoo household – variously sick, run-down, over-busy, anxious, emotional, cranky, and demanding. We’ll survive, but we sometimes wonder how….

Yes, I had a birthday

Friday, February 8th, 2008

It was nice, in its way. I didn’t feel like I could make any space for it – Zag was still so sick, I had school, CPE was weighing on my mind, etc. But people emailed me and called me and sent me loving little gifts. Our neighbors and friends M&J made me a very yummy cake and brought it over. It was nice to feel all that love reaching out to me, even when I wasn’t finding much time to be kind to myself. Thanks, y’all. Maybe Tilt and I will have a little joint birthday party later in the month, around his birthday.

Thanks, too, for supporting my logic concerning expensive boots. (more…)

Damn…

Monday, February 4th, 2008

… there go my birthday plans.

Oh, wait, it’s only the Flint, MI, Chuck E. Cheese! Maybe there’s still hope…

So sick, Mama

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Poor, poor bug. He lies on the couch and watches videos, then sleeps for a while. He wakes up, sits up, looks at me, says “Now what shall we do?” – not with the verve and enthusiasm he usually brings to that question after a nap, but sadly, almost desperately. I come sit beside him on on the sofa and he falls back asleep with his head on my leg. Days and days of this… not getting worse, but not getting better either. I called his doctor’s office today and the CNP said this flu can just last a while, with little kids. Didn’t want to see him, didn’t seem concerned. So I guess we just buy more juice and Kleenex, and wait it out.

I’m finally shifting gears from expecting everything (read: him, since everything else pretty much revolves around him) to be back to normal by tomorrow (since that hasn’t happened any of the last three tomorrows), to assuming we’re living in an ongoing liminal state in which everything is up in the air and we’ll just do what we’re able to, and let the rest slide. Really it would probably be good for my spiritual life if I could live in that latter state a lot more of the time…

Updating

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

zagwithpigeon.jpg

Just put up new pics on Smugmug, for those who know their way over there. This one shows Zag attempting to befriend a New York pigeon. It’s nice to look back at the New York trip – it seems like a long time ago. It’s been quite a week! I’m mostly well, finally – probably feeling about 90% normal today. Zag is still a mess. (more…)