I’m making dolls. I would post pictures, but that would involve taking pictures, and then downloading the 297 photos off of our digital camera onto my husband’s desktop computer, which he is currently using. So maybe not. But I’m making dolls. I have three torsos with heads and faces. One has hair, and another one has largely-completed but still-unattached limbs.
I’m not sure why I want to make dolls with such urgency right now. I’ve been eyeing Mimi Kirchner’s website for several months now; I love her work, her style. Somehow, within the past week, it really got a grip on me and I decided to try it myself. I like how they’re coming along, so far.
What I’m asking myself is: why is it so hard for me to have something that I just work along on when I have the time and inclination for a little hand-work? Why do I usually feel so driven when I’m working on something?
These dolls have not deadline, no timetable. They don’t even have a destination. I don’t know anybody who needs a large-ish, slightly clumsily made rag doll. Frankly, when I finish them, they’ll become a lot less fun; they’ll join the pile of handmade creatures I have no idea what to do with. I tried selling stuff for a while – it wasn’t worth the effort. So: there is no pressure whatsoever to finish these dolls by any particular date.
And yet, a little voice in me keeps suggesting: Hey, you should try to get at least one done before you go back to work on Tuesday!
I’m naming this to myself, at the moment, as the difference between project (something to be accomplished) and process (something to be lived with and enjoyed). I would like to experience this doll-making as a process, rather than a project. But it goes against my grain. I have to keep reminding myself.